The crazy cycle. 9.10.12

by Aaron K.

From Evernote:

The crazy cycle. 9.10.12

"Self-centeredness is a havoc-wreaking problem in many marriages, and it is the ever present enemy of every marriage. It is the cancer in the center of a marriage when it begins, and it has to be dealt with… In Dana Adam Shapiro’s interviews of divorced couples, it is clear that [self-centeredness] was the heart of what led to marital disintegration. Each spouse’s self-centeredness asserted itself (as it always will), but in response, the other spouse got more impatient, resentful, harsh, and cold. In other words, they responded to the self-centeredness of their partner with their own self-centeredness. Why? Self-centeredness by its very character makes you blind to your own while being hypersentive, offended, and angered by that of others. The result is always a downward spiral into self-pity, anger, and dispair, as the relationship gets eaten away to nothing." -Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

The cancer of self-centeredness in marriage. What a great image of the distructive nature of selfishness in marriage. It is so true how this vicious cycle plays itself out in the seasons of marriage. One person’s actions offends the other, the other gets angry and withholds…each side becoming hypersentisitive as the crazy cycle begins. Resentment, harshness and coldness become the tools used by each side in emotionally destroying the other. Action. My sons, self-centeredness destroys marriages and really all relationships for that matter. It truly is a cancer as our selfishness fans the flames heightening our self-interest to the point of being overly sensitive to our spouse and those around us. Knowing we can only control what we can control, when you find yourself there-stop the cycle…strive always to be the catalyst of service with your spouse and others. Don’t do it with expectations for favorable returns…as a man in your life just commit to being a servant. Its a character thing…how you were designed by God as a man to function most abundantly and most joyful in Christ. Selfishness promises joy, yet is secretly a hidden theif robbing us of that which we are pursuing. Remember Gods promise, joy is found in selfless giving…the fruit of which follows the faithful action.